Too good not to post: You might be in the River of God if …

  • … McDonalds refuses to serve you coffee because they are afraid you’ll sue them if the jerks start while you are drinking it.
  •  … your pastor wears a crash helmet and knee pads when he steps onto the platform.
  • … you don’t tell your kids to ‘sit still’ in church any more.
  • … at the gas station you find yourself shouting “More, MOre, MORE!” to the gas pump.
  •  … deep bowing has gotten rid of those pesky love handles.
  •  … your church aerobics class takes place During praise and worship time.
  •  … you think of the floor, as an old friend.
  • … someone yells “Revival FIRE!” and you immediately “stop, drop and roll”.
  • … your pastor has a difficult time finishing a sentence, much less his message.
  • … after church, you find yourself asking people if they have seen your car.
  • … when you are getting a salad at a salad bar, some little kid yells “look Mom, a salad shooter”
  • … you are afraid of going to Kmart anymore because at times you draw more attention than the flashing blue light.
  •  … you find yourself asking others, “Did you feel that?”, and realize that you now experience personal earthquakes.
  •  … you spend more time getting into your car after church than you did getting ready to come to church.
  • … when picking out new clothes, you consider how they will look against the color of the sanctuary carpet.
  •  … the 1 hour church service that used to be boring is now 3 hours long and seems too short.
  • … church services don’t start until everyone has crawled out of the prayer room and into the sanctuary.
  • … instead of a “cry room”, your church has a “laugh room”.
  • … the phrase “carpet burn” comes up at lease one time, when talking with church members.
  • … the “town drunk” is a member of your ministry team.
  • … your closet is divided into two sections – clothes that are appropriate for falling, and those that are not.
  • … you find yourself praying that the bible answer man will be struck by holy laughter during a live broadcast.
  •  … when you break a fingernail, you blame it on spiritual warfare.
  • … you develop a slight hand tremor, and a prayer line forms in front of you during ministry time.
  • … your Pastor begins shining the church announcements on the ceiling via the overhead so all can read them.
  • … going to church involves a discussion as to who is going to be the designated driver after the service.
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